SKUNK the newest fitness crazy to hit the country?

I keep trying to come up with creative ways of exercising, it isn’t easy.  So few ways are really effective – nail biting, toe tapping and occasionally walking around the block.  The trouble is nothing really seems to work for me.  I just can’t find a program to stick with and my weight just doesn’t change; I don’t think I burn enough calories with my current program.

Nonetheless, I am always looking for something new and innovative.  Hopefully, I might even come up with one, write it down and sell a line of books and products, make a million and hire someone to do my exercising for me.  Hopeful wishing, right?

My wish came true, my world changed.  I found the new program.  I actually got my heart rate up and I moved.  I made it into the aerobic phase.  I was moving. I ran, I tried to take deep breaths and couldn’t.  I couldn’t talk while I was active; isn’t that the definition of aerobics?  It should have been exercise nirvana; only one small problem.

sitting in reclinerMy exercise routine started off as usual.   I got up from my Lazy Boy, put the TV remote control down and walked the ten feet to the back door completing my typical aerobics, or so I thought.  I entered into my upper body workout. I reached down and pulled up on the door handle, flexed my biceps and opened the back door. Exhaling, as I have been instructed, I blew out my air with the effort.  I strained under the extra work of commanding my dogs, “Ok, Maggie and Marnie go potty.”

Out goes Marnie. I stand at the back door, my core held strong and upright.  Flexing my neck gentle and slow, I watched as Marnie flew past me.  Now Marnie is my chicken dog.  But this time she ran out into the yard.  She barked once, her “I gotta go,” bark.  Maggie, big sister, flew out the door right behind her. Then in a nanosecond, a bark, and the girls came flying right back in the house.  No barking, no anything, they just came flying in the house.

I had to move fast to get out of their way.  Well, how rude I think. My exercise program was just interrupted.  But, I figure, I can shorten my exercise program for one night. Anyways, the dogs flew by me and into the bedroom and up on the bed.

Ok so, I decided to extend my exercise routine for the night and went and got them.  The extra effort making me unusually winded, rather unusual for my typical program.  I found Maggie and Marnie rolling back and forth on the bed making me realize I didn’t make the bed that morning or take a nap in the afternoon.

When I walked in the room I noticed it didn’t smell fresh.  My spouse really needs to shower daily. Which makes me ask – when things smell bad why do we always have to take a second whiff just to make sure it really smells as bad as it seems. Well, dirty socks and underwear aside this was really bad.  My eyes watered and my asthma kicked in. All in a moment, my brain clicked – that’s not my husband.  That’s. Skunk!pepe le pew

Now comes my new exercise program. I flailed my arms out to get the dogs off the bed.  Yelling at them to get off I felt energized, I needed to start moving and moving right then. I grabbed the bedspread, the sheets and the pillows.  I threw everything off the bed.  My strength from my upper body work-up paying off I carried these heavy items; more weight than usual into the laundry room.  Pushing, pulling items into the washer and dryer over and over.  Between washes I would take a deep breath.  Nope Skunk.  Just like shampoo instructions – wash, rinse and repeat.  Five times I lifted these bits and pieces of bedding.   The air began to clear a little more each time.

I praised myself for enduring my new exercise routine. One complete cycle took me two days to finish.  My muscles ached.  I was pleasantly winded but that could be my reaction to skunk smell.

So now I am planning my exercise program.   I am sitting back in my Lazy Boy, remote control on my lap, next to my computer writing down my exercise program.  I believe I have found a winning effort. I took a deep breath recalling my new program.  The smell of skunk drifted through the back door.  I may be on track for the dream of a lifetime.  I tell myself, “Here’s the program.”

I put down my mouse and rested my fingers.  Patting Maggie on the head I got up and went to the fridge for a Diet Coke. I realize my program and new book SKUNK, a Better Alternative to Crunches won’t take off, so I  go back to tapping me feet while I chew my fingernails.  Maybe my next idea will be better.

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